Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
