just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
