We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
