my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize