Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
