I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
