She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
