it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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