i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
