dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
