I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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