I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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