Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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