jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
