Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my shit smells like andre
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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