This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
