ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
