I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
