i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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