Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
