Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
