this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
