I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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