theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
