Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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