I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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