I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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