I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
