this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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