Can Purell be used as lube?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
