I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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