i don't like sucking hair
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
