Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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