Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
