She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
