For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My breath smells like gin and sadness
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
