When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize