Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
