Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
