Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
