I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
