My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
