He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
