Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she peed on how many people?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize