its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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