Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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