What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
