after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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