one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
