She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
