he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
