Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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