On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
