I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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