I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
