I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
