are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
