Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think people are normalizing furries
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
