all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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