if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
