One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
