He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
