Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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