Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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