God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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