You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
