I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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