how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
