What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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