clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to make out with him forever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
