All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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