hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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