I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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