Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
