if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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