Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize