My hand turned me down
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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