we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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