got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize